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Five Sixteenths

The fabulous, maybe mundane, but always truthful bloggings of a five-sixteenths something-er-other.

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Location: Philly, Pennsylvania, United States

I am a 28-year-old work at home mom and full time student. I am a member of the Leech Lake band of the Minnesota Chippewa tribe.

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Disenchanted

Love is definitely not what I thought it was. Maybe I'm not strong enough to endure love. Maybe I was meant to be alone. Why do I have such low expectations for the people I am with? Why do I put up with what I do? Why do I expect the best out of myself and nothing less but expect nothing out of everybody else? Do I deserve nothing? You would think so. I know what I need to do and that's the worst thing. The feeling of knowing what you have to do but the pitiful helplessness you feel knowing you don't have the energy or strength to carry it out. This has gotta change.

Do I want to salvage this? This dramatic bullshit? Am I getting what I want and need or being told what someone else knowsI want to hear? I don't want to be begged to stay.

It's one thing to be estranged from your family when you live in the same city.
It's another thing to yearn for a family you are estranged from when you live 1000 miles away.
It's a third thing to live alone with a baby, 1000 miles away, with in-laws that hate you.

My support system is definitely going downhill.

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