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Five Sixteenths

The fabulous, maybe mundane, but always truthful bloggings of a five-sixteenths something-er-other.

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Location: Philly, Pennsylvania, United States

I am a 28-year-old work at home mom and full time student. I am a member of the Leech Lake band of the Minnesota Chippewa tribe.

Saturday, October 08, 2005

Tomkitten

The whole Katie Holmes/Tom Cruise nightmare is really getting out of hand. The mere fact that she is impregnated by such an oddball person scares me. The fact that she is going to have one of the most painful, writhing births imaginable at the hands of her hubby-to-be actually entertains me.

The "Church" - used loosely - of Scientology doesn't allow speaking during labor. No noise. No music during the labor process -it might traumatize the baby. The mother is to do it completely natural, no painkillers of any kind. No screaming during labor pains or birth. It may traumatize the baby. In fact, no one is to speak to the infant for 4 days after birth because of perceived sensory overload in the child. To do so would, traumatize the baby.

Something tells me none of those things will be the thing that traumatizes this baby.

She fired her publicist, opting for her future sister-in-law, who is also Tom's publicist. She supposedly fired a whole lot of her staff and hired on the folks Tom advises her to.

Sounds to me like she needs a father, not a husband.

Friday, October 07, 2005

No Glow!

Ok, I admit, I am fascinated by Jennifer Lopez. Less so now that she married Marc Anthony because I'm not sure what the attraction was. I saw the money behind P. Diddy. I saw the hot bod on Cris Judd. But erm... Marc Anthony? She weighs more than he does!

At any rate, the girl is a glamour puss. Like her or not she has become a style icon. So when I read she slathers her entire body in $1000 Creme de la Mer facecream, I had to try this miracle potion. I read up on the web... it seems a guy from NASA got some incredibly bad burns and tried to divise a potion to treat his scars. Voila, Creme de la Mer was born. It doesn't have uber-fascinating ingredients, just the typical stuff in lotion. But supposedly it's the 'special fermentation process' that creates this miracle whip, if you will. It will make your skin glow! You will regain your youth! The skin regeneration process will begin!

I spent a rough $20-something to get a tiny trial size scoop off of Ebay. I waited impatiently over the next 2 weeks as the guy who sold it to me only took a Bidpay money order and lived in Hawaii, so it would be awhile before I got my gold. I finally got it, freshly packed with a macadamia nut candybar from Maui, and decided to give it a whirl before bed. I kept the macademia nut bar for the next day.

I slathered on the magic potion. It felt like gooey, thick, butter in my hands. I only needed a miniscule amount to cover my entire face. So this is how J. Lo covers her body with it: She only weighs 120 pounds; There isn't much to cover and you only need a tiny amount!

I admit, it smelled divine. I FELT like a million bucks. Finally, movie stars, rock stars, music stars, and ah yes, J. Lo and myself, shared a bond.

I laid down to sleep and thought of how great my skin would look in the morning. Would it be deep bronze and glowing? Shiny and fresh? Pink and rosey?

I woke up the next morning and rushed to the mirror, looking at myself, including my frazzled hair in the mirror.

No glow.

But I did, for the record, have 4 new zits.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

People

People are so hard to figure out. The relationships between men and women are strange. All women ask for is communication and no matter what the situation or who the person is, very rarely do they get it. Men and women don't even speak the same language, much less come from the same planet. The idea of fun for men and women is so different. The idea ofwhat sex should mean is blurred profoundly. Women can always fake being emotionless but in the end, women fail at the biggest show of their life and, inevitably lose the Oscar. (Or, Oscar.)

For instance, my brother-in-law and his girlfriend of 10-some years are fighting. They have a child together, live in the same dwelling, and argue over petty things. He says he is sick of her, the 'dumb' things she says. But he refuses to tell her this and instead decides to just start coming home late after a night of "thinking" on the stoop. Then, she takes this wrong, and assumes he is cheating. Then, inevitably, he is going to get tired of being accused and go out and cheat and say "well, you accused me of it..." All of this because he could not just stop and say, "when you do this, it bothers me. Let's work it out."

I'm a hypocrite. I do this in my own marriage. I beat around the bush, ignore, and play games instead of saying what I really think or feel. When he looks at another girl and it bothers me, I let it build up inside until one day, I just blow up - or, worse yet, I nag consistently because I'm so bothered by the big things that the little things seem like World War III.

I realize how lucky I am to be in a marriage that works. We have deep, philosophical conversations. We both love to do the same things. We boost each other's confidence and take great care of our daughter. It's always the little things that make you angry in a relationship and think things are in dire straits.

Our love is still fresh. We only knew each other 7 months before we married. Five of that was spent 1000 miles from each other. We've been married a little over 2 years and I feel blessed that we are still together. We have been through a lot and the proof is in the pudding; we are still together and the rough patches have, indeed, made us perservere.

So, what's the bottom line? Why can't men and women coexist?
I don't think we'll ever know. Mostly because neither one will ever communicate well enough to give us the answer.

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Wrestling turtles?

"WWF raps Greece over tourist turtle threat"

"GENEVA (Reuters) - Greece is pushing a unique marine turtle species toward extinction by allowing uncontrolled tourism development on Zakynthos island, the WWF conservation group said on Monday. "

Ok, I soooo was like "why would a bunch of wrestlers want to go to Greece anyway? And what do they care about turtles?"

I'm seriously college educated. Like, y'know, whatever! LOL!

Monday, October 03, 2005

Five Sixteenths

Five sixteenths? What is that? Better yet, how much is that? Is that a lot or a little? What if someone said, you are 'five-sixteenths' of that race. What would you say? Do you use the one-drop theory and say you are all one race or do you claim the race of which you are the other eleven-sixteenths? Is it fair in the scheme of things? What if you don't 'feel' anything or have any emotional connection with the other eleven-sixteenths? What if someone told you to 'date your own race' and you are divided up, five-sixteenths/eleven-sixteenths? Do you find someone with that exact makeup? Where? Is this where the "marry your own race" line blurs?

Discuss.