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Five Sixteenths

The fabulous, maybe mundane, but always truthful bloggings of a five-sixteenths something-er-other.

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Location: Philly, Pennsylvania, United States

I am a 28-year-old work at home mom and full time student. I am a member of the Leech Lake band of the Minnesota Chippewa tribe.

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Disenchanted

Love is definitely not what I thought it was. Maybe I'm not strong enough to endure love. Maybe I was meant to be alone. Why do I have such low expectations for the people I am with? Why do I put up with what I do? Why do I expect the best out of myself and nothing less but expect nothing out of everybody else? Do I deserve nothing? You would think so. I know what I need to do and that's the worst thing. The feeling of knowing what you have to do but the pitiful helplessness you feel knowing you don't have the energy or strength to carry it out. This has gotta change.

Do I want to salvage this? This dramatic bullshit? Am I getting what I want and need or being told what someone else knowsI want to hear? I don't want to be begged to stay.

It's one thing to be estranged from your family when you live in the same city.
It's another thing to yearn for a family you are estranged from when you live 1000 miles away.
It's a third thing to live alone with a baby, 1000 miles away, with in-laws that hate you.

My support system is definitely going downhill.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Straight Jacket

Sitting silently was never my forte'
I did it so well
But hated it
Now look at the straight jacket I wear
straining me back from the breath I need to take
from the freedom I deserve
It looks so good on me
I have come to feel so comfortable in it
I'm so used to it
The ties that bind are becoming frayed
as I become weaker and weaker
With the knowledge that one day
The straight jacket will be gone

Bored with my degree program

So right now I'm in school going for an Associates degree in Health Information Technology, mostly because I work in the field now. I never wanted to work in the field - I fell into it by a friend who owned a business involved in it. Now here I am, getting a degree I don't want.

I was pre-law at Arizona State. I regret leaving and going home to Minnesota. I would have been done already. *sigh* So, I've been considering just finishing my liberal arts degree online in legal studies and then going on to either getting a masters in journalism or going to law school. I'd like to write more. I think I missed the bus on a writing career. I had a job as a reporter for a Native newspaper and I blew it. I feel bad... it could have opened so many doors.

I'm also trying to get into nursing school but it seems like something is telling me that it's not what I was meant to do. I keep having bad luck with the testing, scheduling testing dates, finding paperwork, etc. It's like God is intervening. Who knows. I really don't have the strong stomach it takes, but I thought I'd just grin and bear it.

I know a lot about medicine. You could tell me your symptoms and I'll tell you what you have, what to take for it, and how long you'll have it. But it's just not my favorite thing. I love law. I love writing. Now if I could incorporate the two...

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Now who said white men can't jump?! lol

Okla. High School Hoops Team Loses 112-2
Sat Nov 5, 6:21 PM ET
EARLSBORO, Okla. - The Hanna High School basketball team can take some consolation: It didn't get shut out.

It did, however, lose 112-2 on Friday night to Earlsboro.
"It was embarrassing to watch," Earlsboro coach Jim Walling told The Oklahoman. "But you can't just tell your kids not to score. I've been coaching 27 years and have never been involved in something like this."

The Wildcats led 42-0 after one quarter and 73-2 at halftime. Walling pulled his starters in the second half, and game officials kept a running clock, stopping it only for free throws.
Each player on Earlsboro's 10-man boys' roster scored. Seven players finished in double figures.