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Five Sixteenths

The fabulous, maybe mundane, but always truthful bloggings of a five-sixteenths something-er-other.

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Location: Philly, Pennsylvania, United States

I am a 28-year-old work at home mom and full time student. I am a member of the Leech Lake band of the Minnesota Chippewa tribe.

Saturday, March 04, 2006

Daddy Dearest and Diet Pills

Tonight on Myspace I was conversating with a 24-year-old sister that I haven't seen but one time in my life. We compared notes on my incarcerated deadbeat father. It wasn't pretty. I feel blessed to have found her and like Myspace isn't for total and complete evil. Maybe I should write to Tom and they can do a story on THAT! I also got in touch with my childhood best friend that I haven't talked to in like 10 years!

Anyway, I also started diet pills again in an attempt to be the unattainable and while I have tons of energy (yeah, they are like speed!) and feel better about myself and my situation, more goal oriented, I just feel like I'm messing up my heart and body big time with them. I just gotta take it day by day I guess.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

The News

I wish I could write some fascinating commentary on a news story or something with some substance in it but at this point I feel like pure and utter shit and would just as well be happy writing something complainy and bitchy.

Who in the world has had such bullshit luck as me? thats what I would like to know. When it rains, it pours, and it has done nothing but hurricane my entire life. Sometimes I wonder what the hell I did in my past life to make my current life a wrecking ball. It's hard to believe in God or find faith in life when it seems like everywhere I turn, God is spitting in my face. It's a rough existence.

I don't understand men and their penchant for constantly seeking a 'better woman' even if the one that they have is decent. I can't understand why I am supposed to settle for being someone's second choice and not their first choice. Don't I deserve to be the first choice of a good man? Where is the man that wants to be with me first and foremost? It's so hard to fathom that I am sloppy seconds. What am I supposed to say? That I am elated for having the gift and miraculous present of a man by my side, no matter if I am his second choice? I should just settle because I'm not good enough?

I'm sick of not being good enough for people. I'm good enough for my daughter and I'm good enough for myself. I'm not perfect and never claimed to be but I deserve respect as a human being.

Shit like this is enough to make anybody a feminist. Even a man.